Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Goodnight, Goodbye.

After much deliberation I've chosen to close Avoid Me. It's been an influential part of my life since 2009. I have written 231 articles that span all I've been through since then.

The point of Avoid Me is to be honest to myself. I work out my problems here. I try to gain an understanding of who I am and what I've been through. The increased spotlight isn't my thing.This isn't for you. It's mine.

Will I continue writing ? HELL YES. Will you be able to pin point me? No. What did you accomplish? Nothing.

Over the next few weeks I will start to back up all my files and hope to publish a book at the 10 year mark or so.

I look forward to a new forum where I can be honest to myself....

 I leave you with 2 phrases....

"I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous."

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I Turned Down

Soundgarden tickets.

Which is a load of bullshit. Soundgarden is the 90's band of choice for me. Not Nirvana. Soundgarden. Chris Cornell is the voice of grunge as far as I'm concerned (which is all I give a hoot about.) So, when the opportunity for a FREE TICKET fell on my lap what did I do?

Said NO.

I said no to THAT.


Because my damn family isn't broken anymore. It's such a shame I had to prioritize good family over a selfish need. This mother's day all Ma wanted was a good family dinner. How could I blow her off? After all we've been through and my parents amazing transformation I couldn't. It would have broke her and my father's heart. I'm more concerned with that now that ever.

A few Saturdays ago my pop asked me to take him up to the gun range. He just bought a new old school shotgun and was dying to try it out. Let me back up a second here. My father hasn't asked me to do anything with him in.... let's think....still thinking..... hmmmmm......   Since we worked on my house when I was married. So let's say 5 years. In 5 years my dad has had no interest in doing anything for me.

Did I care at the time? No. I was used to it. It took me a while but I knew he was always drunk and high. So what little time we spent together I appreciated but it wasn't quality time.

Now that he's in AA and working everyday to better himself things have changed. Like completely. I always believed people could change but had never witnessed a transformation myself. So this time when he asked me to take him to the gun range and for me impart knowledge to him on how to use his weapon, it meant something.

We had a blast. He fired everything myself and my buddy brought up to the range. He gave me first shots on the 2 firearms he brought up. "A christening from his son." We had a fun conversation with a Iraq vet ( about shooting war prisoners no less.) He was impressed that I actually knew what I was doing. He had the entire range laughing when he discussed what ammo he wants to use for home defense.

Side story: Before we went to the range I showed him a few amusing online videos of FPS Russia. In one, FPS fires a variety of shotgun rounds ending with dragons breath... the totally crazy shell that lights EVERYTHING ON FIRE with phosphorus.

To me it's useless. He wants to use it for HOME DEFENSE. Nothing like burning down your house to stop a robbery! To quote the old man:

" When you light one of those motherfuckers on fire ain't nobody gonna mess with your house anymore." "That guy ain't shooting bullets he's shooting FIRE? Fuck that, I'll go to the next house."

Well dad, you do make a point. The whole range thought so too when he brought it back up. Dudes 5 stales down were laughing. I was proud. It was a comment you thought I would make.

So why did I turn down Soundgarden tickets and not hang with my friend and rock out? My family is healing. It's rebuilding. It was more important to me. I couldn't let my parents down. I haven't felt that way in a long time. It's different. It's different now that I'm a man and can look my dad in the eye and say I'm proud of him. I tell him that every-time I see him now.

Now, if the bastard would only give me my grandfather's rifle he's hoarding!

Monday, April 29, 2013


To my widening audience:

I won't bore my regular viewers with redundant posts. So please catch up here:


I haven't ever expressed any views besides my own. Just as I exercise my right to vote and own firearms I regularly express my right to free speech. I'm not ashamed of anything written here. It's things all of us have done and many, many people have done worse. It's easy to forget that I know the internet is an open forum and anything written here can be used against me. Even if I were to take Avoid Me off the grid it's permanently archived somewhere on the Internet and will never go away. I wouldn't do that anyway. This is important to me. Anyone is free to ask me questions. I've always maintained that.

Just when you think you know me read this:


or this:


I'm proud of those.

I also may be gay. I am gay.

So with that in mind I will continue to chronicle my thoughts. Remember you are a visitor here.

To my regular readers I'm sorry I've had to edit open comments. You know how to contact me with feedback. There are few rules here but one major one is I'll never link work to Avoid Me while I'm employed. It's bad form and once again I don't speak for any company.

Avoid Me will continue regardless of situation. I will happily keep in mine unraveling events and consider future posts. I won't undo what had been written. It's chiseled into my heart.

Thank you,


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Elusive sleep.

We all have those tricks to falling asleep. Most of the time as working adults we can't just put head to pillow and instantly fall asleep. I've tried counting sheep. That's more stimulating than relaxing. So, over the years, by years I mean decades, I've developed my tried and true relaxing thoughts before I drift off.

Weird as they are... I'll assume yours are weirder....

This ones my oldest. I remember laying in my bed in my parents basement as a young teenager. I'm completely robotic. Hyper-advanced. Fast, fluid and deadly. I'm completely white, very well polished. I'm laying down in my maintenance bed. Bright lights shine down on me. The metal of the workstation flows around me because it was build around me: for maintenance.

Metal arms reach down from the ceiling and release the clasps that hold me together. Removing one panel at a time they remove my outer shell. Slowly they begin disassembling pieces of my metal insides and take them away for a routine checkup and cleaning. I keep a mental tally of whats left and watch as systems and limbs go offline.

I tick away at each process being shutdown. My limbs to my torso to my head. Finally the machine reaches my cranium. My audio and optics shut down. I'm left alone in utter blackness with no sounds or sights to disturb me. I'll remain this way until I'm pieced back together.

Until then, I rest.

My second is an old tried and true. I'm working my ideal job. Space trucker. I'm working the old Earth to asteroid belt trek. It's boring but someones got to do it. My space truck has everything I need to survive and a couple well earned comforts. Credits don't fly out of the sky you know.

It's an older model ship. It has the basics to fly by. All the controls, knobs and buttons are well worn and coffee stained. The controls are mostly analog, like I'm flying the Millennium Falcon. At least that movie got something right. If we had hyperspace I wouldn't have to be on these long hauls back and forth.

I'm just leaving Earth orbit, preparing for the weeks of solitude ahead. I'm making the final adjustments. There's a flight plan to check. Some final controls to set. Each button is a satisfying "click" telling you its been set. After a couple of minutes double checking I can finally relax in my comfortable patched chair, put my feet up and catch a few zzzzs.

Why is scifi always my common theme? The final one requires a bit of knowledge about Battle-tech which I won't go fully into. You can always Google it.

I'm a Mech-warrior. One of the best. Sometimes the odds over take you. The Inner Sphere Rats came at me from all angles. I was whooping their sorry lance when one got a lucky strike on my Behemoth. I finished them off before my reactor overheated and I had to shut down. That's an unfortunate problem since I'm stuck on a barren arctic planet. Since my cockpit has a huge crack in it the air whips into it like a frozen knife.

I can't risk trying to repair my Mech and starting up the engine. To much thermal signature might attract more Inner sphere. I have to bundle up in the corner of my cockpit and wait. My Clan knows where I am, it's just a matter of time until I'm rescued. All I can do is pull out an emergency blanket, lay back and wait.



Thursday, April 18, 2013

Hello Me, It's Me Again.

Any day that starts with a Megadeth reference is a good day.

Biggest news is I've finally escaped retail. I created a buzz this week thanks to Facebook which I enjoyed so much. I'll be working an office job Monday through Thursdays. Set 40 hours a week.... It's going to be completely different from what I'm used to. Three day weekends every week will give me a chance to get back to stuff I love. Writing, planning a role playing game, video games. Okay, mostly video games. LOTS OF GAMES. ALL THE GAMES.

I'll be out of the pubic eye. No more taking abuse for something I didn't do. Every time a delivery driver dinged a fridge I got my ass handed to me. Only my incredible patience kept me from going off on a customer a day: Which is what the other managers tend to do. No more death threats if a refund didn't go through. No more "I'll drive up there and throw this (Fridge, Tv, Dishwasher, Microwave) through your window." No more asshole people who were Walgreen's customers who were the same asshole caliber at HH.

I'll walk into a secure building. Swipe my badge. Wave to the guard. Leave the public behind.

When I first started working the hours I was at Hhgregg I thought to myself I have a Big Boy job now and this is what Big Boys do. A while back Michelle said to me "I never see you anymore." We freaking live together. That was the moment I became dissatisfied. I don't see my friends enough. I don't see my nephew enough.

This opportunity fell into my lap. Dino lucks out once again. I had an old boss who was persistent with trying to pull me into his company. That's an honor. For someone to say I worked for him before and wasn't an idiot and would like to have me back with him.... That's some serious shit to me. So raise a beer to me taking a risk.

Boston bombings. (What a way to change gears here, Champ.) I admit a lot of fool stuff here and I'm going to again. I was completely "whatever" to it. Isn't that sad? I'm not stunned by the violence of it but my reaction to it. Have I accepted America is a fucked-up violent place? Should school shootings and the occasional bombing be acceptable? I shock myself with my own indifference.

If someone bombed Pittsburgh I damn hope I'd give a hoot about it. Hell. At this rate something nationally violent is going to happen here eventually.

Now I'm asking myself if all the new laws and government controls are rational. A few new gun laws about background checks and high powered rifles wouldn't hurt us. If it prevented one massacre wouldn't it be worth it? If it prevented a shooting at a school you know.... Say Penn Hebron Elementary or the Pitt campus.... isn't that worth it?

I can see how people switch back and forth from Republican to Democrat several times in their life now.

Nice story. Tell it to Reader's Digest.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Amusing Musings

 Here comes another glorious rant fest about nothing important.

Like most children I grew up with The Wizard of Oz. It's an immortal classic that will inspire children forever. It's pointless to go on praising it, so I'll stop.

The movie is centered around a naive Kansas girl with fancy shoes and her little dog. The villain is a witch. A Wicked Witch to be exact. She's an all time great antagonist. She's ugly. Flies on a broom. Has scores of henchmen. Cackles like a champ. She's a no nonsense evil character through and through.

The Wicked Witch is right up there with Darth Vader, The Joker, Sauron, and BIFF from Back to The Future.

Black and White

Hero vs Villain

"I'll get you my pretty and YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO."

Not convinced? She sets The Scarecrow on fire. ON FIRE.

And The Tin Man shit himself in fear.
Let's fast forward a couple decades and Wicked the book comes out. It's adapted into a musical. The "Wicked Witch" is drummed down to Elphaba. She's a misunderstood, boring, collage aged, singing, PETA member. She wears glasses and a fuzzy hat. She sings about her lost love ( a prince DUUUUUH.) Hearts and Kisses and Free The Talking Animals!

I hated it. I didn't hate the musicals bits and pieces. The sets were good. Music and Talent were there. I hated how it twisted an all time great evil into a wuss.

So here comes Oz The Great And Powerful. I went to see one thing and one thing only. A WICKED WITCH. Did it deliver? HELL YES.

This Witch TERRORIZED MIDGETS. She threw around fireballs as if she was passing out candy. Traveled in a meteor. Do we want to see the people of Oz flee? Nope. Kill them.

PETA? The environment? I didn't get her opinion. I was to busy running in mindless horror and her slave winged baboons tried to tear me to shreds. I chocked on the diesel smog her broom left behind and she flew cackling through the air.

Was the movie perfect? Heck no. Did it breath life into one of my favorite characters? YES. It passes in my book.

In summary:



Obama Supporter

And Since this was supposed to be a random entry and not just a Wizard of Oz piece I leave you with a little something I cooked up last night.